An Idiot's Guide to Love
by iLaff
Summary: Popstar Shane Gray is in love with Mitchie Torres but doesn't know how to tell her. He gets a little help from his best friend Nate. Somehow, all of their 'brilliant' plans end up with Shane insulting Mitchie. Will Shane be able to get Mitchie? SMITCHIE
1. Step One: First Impressions

**Hello! Okay, so this is my first attempt of a Camp Rock story, so... please be nice...**

**Anyways, the summery is:**

_**Hot headed popstar Shane Gray is in love with Mitchie Torres, but doesn't know how to tell her. He gets a little help from his best friend Nate. But somehow, all of their plans lead Shane into insulting Mitchie in one way or the other. Will love blossom between the two teens?  
**_

**This story might be a little OOC, so bear with me here... Oh and just to let you know, it's practically my own take of Camp Rock, so Mitchie and Shane don't know each other... OH! AND NATE'S MITCHIE'S COUSIN! I don't know if what I just said right now even made any sense, but oh well. Enjoy!  
**

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**Step One: Make Good First Impressions**

Famous popstar Shane Gray sighed for the thirty-second time in five minutes. His best friends were debating on whether to tell him there was a puddle of his drool on the table.

Shane was staring at none other than our very own Michelle Torres- also known as Mitchie. She had straight dark brown hair the flowed halfway down her back. Her eyes were an alluring chocolate brown color. Her tiny heart-shaped face was twisted up in confusion. Why? Well, _you_ probably _would_ if a guy (or girl... if you're a guy that's reading this story...) you don't even know was boring holes through your back.

God, how Shane loved her hair. So silky and shiny. Shane sighed once again, making it the thirty-third time in five minutes and eleven seconds.

He really did look a complete idiot. But hey, love makes you do crazy things... right?

"Dude, I should've totally brought a camera!" exclaimed his super hyper (and super stupid- as Shane likes to say) band mate, Jason.

His other band mate, Nate, nodded in agreement. "Total picture perfect moment."

Finally, after five minutes and thirty two seconds, Shane snapped out of his 'unbreakable' trance. Jason was the first to notice. "Hey Nate! The aliens finally gave him back his brain!"

"Wow Jason, that was pretty lame," Nate sighed. Jason childishly stuck his tongue out at his curly-afro-haired friend.

Nate turned his attention to his lovestruck friend. "How was your five minutes of staring at Mitchie?" asked Nate.

"Mitchie?" Shane asked stupidly.

"The girl you keep staring at."

"That's her name?"

"Yeah! She's my cousin."

...

Transferring...

...

Transferring...

...

Still transferring...

...

Transfer complete!

...

"HOLD UP!" Shane screamed, standing up from his seat.

Everyone in the cafeteria, that also including Mitchie and her friends, looked at him quizzically. Slowly, popstar sunk back into his seat. "Sorry," he mumbled, his face was red from embarrassment.

"So it takes you that long for things to transfer to your brain," Nate observed.

Shane turned even redder, if that was even possible. "Anyways, this girl, Mitchie, is your cousin?"

Nate nodded. "I believe that's what I just said."

"Woah! Dude, Shane's face reminds me of a tomato!" laughed Jason, poking Shane's cheek.

Shane slapped his hand. "Shut up Jase!"

"Make me!"

Glare.

Glare.

Jason glare.

Shane glare.

Cry.

"Nice going Shane! You made Jason cry! You know how sensitive he is!" Nate said, patting Jason's back.

"Nate. Have you had any experience in love?" questioned Shane, turning his head towards his friend.

"Sorta... I mean, I've read romance novels before," Nate pointed out.

Jason snorted, then bursted out into laughter. Dang! He can bounce back fast!

The curly haired teen smacked him on the head. "Why do you ask?"

Shane smirked and looked over at Mitchie, who was laughing with her friends. "I was wondering if you could help me out with something..."

Nate shrugged. "As long as I don't dress up in a chicken suit, okay!"

..:..:..:..:..:..

"Okay... the first step in love is making good impressions," Nate said.

The seventeen-year-old boy blinked his eyes a couple of times. "Huh?"

"First impressions?"

"What? Do I just stand in front of her and look pretty?"

"Oh god, you're hopeless," Nate sighed, rubbing his temples. Jason's ears perked up. "Oh! I hear Mitchie, Caitlyn, and Lola coming this way! Now's your chance Sha- ooh! Light! Bright!" Jason squeaked, wandering off to who knows where. "I swear that boy is not human," Nate shook his head, "But he's right! Now's your chance!"

Nate pushed Shane from the bushes they were hiding behind, resulting into Shane landing face first on the ground in front of the three girls. Shane pushed himself up. He groaned, and placed his hand to his face. "Are you okay?"

The soft voice broke Shane out of his reverie. It was Mitchie. She was kneeling in front of him, a concerned look on her face. "Uh... um... gah... ahem. Why do you care you old hag?" Shane scoffed.

Nate slapped his forehead.

Mitchie stood up and looked at him weirdly. "Gee, sorry for being concerned," she said before walking away with Caitlyn and Lola.

The unlucky popstar groaned.

Nate popped up by his side.

"Well, besides the fact she probably hates your guts right now, I think that went pretty swell," Nate smiled. "Shut up," Shane glared.

_To be continued..._

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**Okay! So that was the end of the first chapter! I hope you liked it! **

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	2. Step Two: Be Gentle

**Hello! Haha, yeah, I know the first chapter was VERY cheesy... but oh well, I like cheesy stuff! LOL! Anywho (my fave word) thanks for all of those who reviewed and/or favorited my story! It meant a lot! I'm not sure if any of you guys noticed this, but I tweaked the title a little bit.**

**_Before_**

**A Guide to Love: For Idiots**

_**Now**_

**An Idiot's Guide to Love**

**Haha! Yeah, your random factoid of the day. Don't own Camp Rock... and most likely never will...  
**

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**Step Two: Be Gentle  
**

"Nate, I'm in some deep shit," groaned the frustrated popstar, running a hand through his messy hair. After his encounter with Mitchie, he ran straight to his cabin with Nate following closely behind.

Nate leaned against the wall, checking out his nails (**A/N: Do guys usually check out their nails? I know one of my guy friends does, but... still...**). "I can tell you one thing for sure, bro."

Shane looked up at his best friend. "What?"

"You totally blew it."

"No duh Captain Obvious! God, you are one _horrible_ love expert!" Shane snapped at the younger boy.

Rolling his eyes, Nate pushed himself off the wall and walked over to the door of their cabin. "Well, I never _said_ I was a love expert... I just said that I read romance novels!" exclaimed Nate, throwing his hands up in the air. "Anyways, the next step into winning Mitchie is to be gentle."

With that being said, the curly haired teen slouched off to find his cousin.

..:..:..:..:..:..

After moments of searching, Nate finally found Mitchie in the kitchen. "Mitch!" he called out.

Mitchie looked up. Her chocolate brown eyes were watery.

"Oh my god Mitch! What happened?" Nate asked, wiping away her tears.

_Must be because of what Shane did to her_, thought Nate. "Did some jerk... whom I don't know or had anything to do with... say something rude or mean to you? Did he hurt your feelings? Are you up to talk about it?" rambled Nate, "Are you ok-" Mitchie cut him off by holding up a knife.

Nate's dark brown eyes widened with shock/fear. "HOLY SHIT! MY USED TO BE SWEET AND INNOCENT COUSIN BECAME A SERIAL KILLER!" bellowed Nate. Mitchie smacked him on the arm.

"Nice to see you too doofus," the brown haired teen scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I was cutting onions." She pointed to chopped white pieces of vegetables on her cutting board.

Nate grinned sheepishly. "Oh... haha... my bad."

"Yeah. Your bad. So what brings you down here to the kitchen?" grinned Mitchie.

Frowning, Nate asked, "What? Is it illegal to see my cute little cousin?" He pinched her cheeks, earning himself a glare. "I'm only younger than you by five minutes!" whined Mitchie, attempting to push away his hands.

Hmph. No wonder why people always mistake them to be brother and sister.

_**Meanwhile...**_

Shane paced around his cabin while Jason watched, sitting on his bed. "Dude! Stop pacing! It feels like you're going to bore a hole into the floor! Just calm down!" exclaimed Jason.

The dark haired singer turned around abruptly, startling his best friend. "Calm down? CALM DOWN! I'M COMPLETELY CALM! NOTHING'S BOTHERING ME. NOT EVEN THE FACT THAT IF I WANT TO CHARM MITCHIE, I HAVE TO BE GENTLE TO HER! HOW THE HELL DO I BE GENTLE?" bellowed Shane. Jason was curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth.

"Well, you can start off by not doing that," Jason suggested meekly.

Shane exhaled. "Sorry. It's just that... I really like her, but I have no idea how to be gentle. I'm not that good with girls!"

"How about you start off by saying 'I'm sorry' to her- OOH! BUTTERFLY!" squealed Jason, running off to catch a non-existing... _butterfly_.

Shane looked at him in wonder. _He still can't figure out what two plus two is. Go figure._

..:..:..:..:..:..

It was finally time for dinner. Shane didn't noticed how hungry he was, since he spent most of his time watching Mitchie. Keeping his focus on the ground, he dragged his feet on the soft green grass. But then, he heard voices coming from one of the cabins. His ears perked up. The voices sounded really familiar. Mitchie and Nate.

"This is really freaky. I mean all of the members of Connect Three have last names that are colors," observed Mitchie.

Being the curious guy he was, the brown haired popstar silently made his way to the cabin and peeped through a window.

The cabin was fairly smaller than the others. A piano was sitting by itself in a corner of the room. In another corner, a neatly made bed was pressed against the wall. Lying down on it was none other than his fellow band mate, Nate.

"You know Mitch, you're not making any sense, whatsoever," the curly brown haired teen sighed. Sitting in a nearby chair was Mitchie. Her arms and legs were crossed and was glaring intensely at her clueless cousin. "What I'm _saying_," she said slowly, "Is that all of your bands' last name is a color name. For example: Shane's last name is Gray, your's is Brown, and Jase's is Black. You know, for a guy with such a high IQ, you have such a naive common understanding." She sighed, and massaged her temples.

Nate shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

Mitchie sighed once again and replied, "Well... nobody's perfect."

"You sound a lot like Hannah Montana."

"That's what my mom says!"

"Well your mom thinks really weirdly."

"At least I have a mom."

"Ah! Touche."

Mitchie shook her head, her luscious brown locks flying everywhere. "At times I wonder how I'm even related to you."

He sat up from the bed and slipped his shoes on. "Come on. We're going to be late for dinner. What are we having anyways?" he questioned.

"My mom's _World Famous Torres Burgers_!" Mitchie quoted moving her hands around. Nate chuckled. "Let's go." He opened the cabin door and the two stepped on the porch, only to see Shane still staring at them. Apparently the doofus forgot to run. The popstar continued to stare wide eyed at the two of them. Without thinking, he shoved Mitchie out of his way and sprinted towards the Mess Hall.

Luckily for Mitchie, Nate caught her. Unluckily for Nate, her foot somehow hit _that_ spot.

_Gentle my ass..._

_To be continued..._

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**Haha, probably not my best, but still... okii dokii! Oh! And before I forget, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! I'll do my best to answer them and post it along with the next chapter!  
**

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	3. Step Three: Smell Nice

**Hola people! Anyways, thanks a bunch for the reviews! **

**This chapter is going to be pretty short… sad to say…**

**Disclaimer: I do own Camp Rock! Yay! Haha! No. I'm bluffing. I don't own CR whatsoever. And I also don't own the definition of sexual harassment… I looked it up.**

--

**Step Three: Smell Nice**

Nate stumbled into his cabin, still in pain. Mitchie had got him **hard**. So yes, even after one hour, it still hurts.

He collapsed into his bed, face down. He was thankful that Shane and Jason weren't there to bother-

"Oh Nate!" sang Jason, skipping in cheerfully. _I think I thought too soon_, he thought. Groaning, he flipped over to look at his band mate. "What," he snapped.

Pouting, Jason plopped on to his own bed and folded his arms across his chest.

"Yeesh Nate! Try to be a little nicer! Maybe this is why Caitlyn doesn't like you," he huffed. Nate's face turned redder than Rudolph's nose. _How the hell did he figure out that I liked Caitlyn? _He questioned himself over and over again. _Maybe Jason knows more about love than me and Shane_, Nate pondered.

"What happened to you?" rang Shane's voice from the doorway.

_All I want is peace and quiet. Is that too much to ask for?_ Inner Nate was sobbing his eyes out. Outer Nate was trying his best not to break down crying.

"Mitchie somehow hit me in the spot after you shoved her out of your way," Nate replied.

Jason stifled a giggle. Shane just coughed and said, "Speaking of your cousin, what's the next step to impress her?"

Sighing, the curly haired teenager replied, "Smell nice."

The three friends sat across from each other awkwardly. Shane cleared his throat. "Did you just say, '_smell nice_'?" asked the confused lead singer.

"Yeah…"

"Well that's simple! Shane Gray always smells nice!" bragged Shane, wiggling his eyebrows at Jason.

Jason made a face. "Ew! Shane! That's sexual harassment!" he shivered.

….

"Jason, do you even know what that means?" Nate asked.

"Well, yes. Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature when, one, submission to such conduct is made a term or condition of employment or participating in education programs; or, two, submission to or rejection of such conduct is used as a basis for employment or academic decisions affecting the individual; or, three, such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an employee's work performance or student's academic performance creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working or learning environment," he concluded.

….

….

Jason looked at his band mates. "What?"

Shane shook his head. "Uh… nothing." He looked over at Nate and mouthed, _Oh my effing god._

Nate nodded, still bewildered by Jason's definition of sexual harassment.

"Anyways, I'm off. Nate, you rock. Jason," Shane paused and looked at his grinning friend, "Eat a dictionary."

With that, he slammed the door shut.

Jason turned to Nate. "Do you have a dictionary?"

"He wasn't serious Jase."

"Ooh… so he wasn't serious when he told me to go eat an encyclopedia?"

"_Did_ you eat an encyclopedia?"

Jason nodded.

_Holy shit…_

--

"Hey mister! Can you help us?" asked a young boy to Shane. Shane looked at him and glared.

"Why do I want to help you stupid," he started. He saw Mitchie walking by with Caitlyn.

He turned to face the boy again. "Yes of course little child! How may I help you?"

The boy sniffled and pointed towards a hole. "My pet is stuck in there… and I'm scared of the dark!" he whined.

_Is this kid friggin' serious?_ Shane thought.

Even with the boy's lame excuse, he got down on all fours and reached into the hole. He pulled out the boy's pet.

"Here's your-"

Spray.

"What… did… your pet… just… do?" Shane snarled, his teeth gritted tightly.

"Apparently, you scared him and he sprayed you," the boy said as-a-matter-of-fact.

"Hey Shane!" Mitchie called out. Shane quickly smoothed his hair and turned on his heel, leaning up against a tree. "Hey Mitchie," he said, sounding seductive.

_Wow… is he sounds like an idiot…_ Mitchie thought. She wrinkled her nose. "Ugh… did you get sprayed by a skunk, Shane? You kind of stink," she gasped, pinching her nose.

Shane snapped. "Well, you do too!" he huffed and walked away.

"Wow… great manners," Caitlyn called after him. She turned to Mitchie. "What a dork."

_To be continued…_

--

**And so ends this chapter!! **

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